Grief

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This week has been hard. Grief is never easy. It’s brought out some bad things in my life and some good things.

Bad

  • My disordered eating is really coming out. When everything feels out of your hands, the one thing you can control is what you eat. I admit I’ve just let it take over but am working hard on coming back. Three meals a day, even if they are small or huge; one day at a time.
  • I’m not the happy upbeat loving-life girl I was working so hard at being. It’s just too soon.
  • I’ve been avoiding friends because I can’t pretend that I’m okay.
  • I’ve been not going to the gym because I’ve lost interest in things I normally love.
  • I haven’t been sleeping.
  • I can’t concentrate on things that used to make me happy like reading, watching TV, or cross-stitching.
  • Last week was finals week and I honestly couldn’t focus. Needless to say I got an A, 2 B’s, and one C on my exams. I consider that a success since I honestly considered just dropping out altogether.

Good

  • I’ve found that people I never thought I could rely on are being more supportive than ever.
  • I am making closer friends out of people who were before just kind of acquaintances and finding they are exactly the people I want to be around.
  • I’m no longer putting things off. Aaron and I would always plan to have a dinner party or go out sometime but never make it happen. Now, I schedule things right then and there and see them through.
  • I’m a hugger. You never know when it’s going to be your last chance to hug someone, so now I just go for it.
  • With the people I do see (co-workers), I’m really sharing myself. No more walls…well, mostly.

Anyway, I just find I can’t work up the energy to snap a photo right now. I’m sorry everyone, but I need time. ❤ Thank you all.

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