Coming Clean

photo 1-66

So I’ve found some old photos to share from my phone. By “old” I mean last week but still.

I guess some of the stuff I haven’t been sharing has been to do with me figuring out who I am. I know this isn’t about food so some of you may not care so please scroll on past to the food pictures, but this is the place I get some therapeutic sharing out there for the world to see.

One of the things I’m coming to terms with is that it’s not so easy to just say: Hey. I’m tired of being a recluse. I’m going to be a social person and put myself out there. Sure I’ve been doing that. One of my new year’s resolutions was to never turn down a social invitation. But what I’ve realized is that I am, truly, an introvert. By introvert I mean when I am in social situations, all that interaction, tends to drain me. Like even though I am truly enjoying being around all these new friends, in the end, I need to shut myself up in my apartment for a few days and just recharge.

So last week there were two days that I just tried to do nothing with other people. WHICH is surprisingly tough in my new life. I had to turn down so many people and the shy scared girl inside of me went “Wait wait! If you turn them down they will never come back!” =( and it made me panic so deeply inside that I started bringing back old behaviors such as binge eating and even purging.

Don’t worry. I feel more in control now that I’ve accepted these things about myself. But it has been hard.

photo 2-65

During my “recharge” time, I got some cross stitching done that made me happy. =} This Canadian goose reminded me of my dad.

photo 3-38

When I did start hanging out with people again I found I could enjoy it even if it was still mostly me trying to relax and not worry about life.

Another thing I’m working hard on is trying to figure out what I like. I’ve spent soo much of my life attached to someone else that I find I honestly don’t know what I enjoy. For example, Chase didn’t like cream cheese so I didn’t like cream cheese. Last night at the sushi place I decided to try something totally adventurous (and no not very healthy for you!) Ichigo roll that had avocado, salmon, cream cheese, and jalapeno in a tempuraed roll. Wow. I do no like my sushi fried, but you know what? The cream cheese wasn’t half bad.

Anyway as you can tell I’m really trying to work through a lot of stuff right now. Having this blog has meant so much to me these past few years I’m not sure I want to let it go, but part of me feels like it doesn’t fit with my new life either. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Today

photo 4-23

This morning I listened to what my stomach really wanted and it was not another green smoothie. Instead it craved the texture of a yogurt mess! This one contained a Chobani 2% Banana yogurt, half a banana, raw oats, chia seeds, a spoonful of sunflower seed butter, and Craisins. LOVE all the textures.

photo 5-10

In my Dietary Supplements and Herbs class we did something totally unique and fun in the Herb Lab.

photo 1 (1)-6

That’s right, we brewed our own sleepy time elixirs and healing salves! Totally cool right? It was actually really easy. The hardest thing about doing herbalism (in my opinion) is getting all the various herbs that go into things. It was a fun and quick morning and I got out 2 hours early!

photo 2 (1)-5

I headed to work to work on homework…and was totally hungry. I ended up eating this Cranberry Orange Scone along with a triple tall Americano with one raw sugar and a splash of breve. I didn’t get any homework done but I had a good talk with my co-worker Alyssa. ❤

Blog UPLOAD128

It was probably a good thing I ate that scone though. I didn’t get my only 10 minute break until around 2pm so by then I was STARVING! I am so glad I stuck to the lunch I brought. Spinach and basil salad with shredded cheese, roasted red pepper, toasted cashews, raisins, and Opa Cesar dressing. When I found I was still hungry I ate a Greek yogurt with honey parfait. Nom nom.

I got off work at 3pm and walked outside to get my gym bag..

photo 2 (3)-2

And was met with this gorgeous weather! The sun, the sun! I could see the sun!

photo 1 (2)-3

It felt completely invigorating. I put on my headphones and decided to do an hour long walk instead. I sipped a Grande orange refresher with black tea while I listened to the radio.

photo 4 (3)

It was windy and a moderately chilly 50 degrees, but oh boy did that sun make it feel good. I loved every moment of my solo Valentine’s day stroll. (Ok my feet really hurt by the end in my boots and tights but still..)

photo 1 (4)

When I got home I needed a little snack. Wheat Thins and cheese! Okay I ate two baggies of the Wheat Thins but that is so much more manageable than the binging I’ve been doing on them..

Then I got to work:

photo 2 (4) 

11 years ago, I met one of my best friends, Delly, for the very first time in person. We had found each other through a Xena: Warrior Princess fan message board, and on Valentine’s Day when I was 14 and she was 15, our mothers allowed us to meet up in Spokane, WA. I then spent the weekend with them at their house. That night, Del’s mom made us something I’d never homemade before: potstickers! Ever since that night pot stickers always make me think of her.

Today, in hour of our anniversary, I made my very own vegetarian potstickers!

photo 4 (4)

They turned out pretty tasty and were totally easy to do! However I went back to two more baggies of Wheat Thins and cheese…Honestly I think I’m about ready to accept that this is just one of those foods I’m not okay around and that perhaps I just don’t need them around me.

The potstickers will be seeing for many meals to come btw. I have A TON of leftover ingredients.

photo 5 (4)

For dessert: fresh organic strawberries and some chocolates my sweet co-workers gave. I should have thought of giving everyone Valentine’s like you used to do in grade school! ARG!

Anyway, now I’m about to get ready to go to another Friday night party and make more friends. Hope you all had a pleasant Valentine’s Day and no, it’s not just for the couples out there. Valentine’s Day is just about love and there’s no greater love than the love you have for yourself. Wow, that sounded totally cheesy but honestly I’m really starting to believe that. Heart

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s